Not only do I have Friedreich’s Ataxia, but I also have Multiple Sclerosis (MS). The medication I take for the MS compromises my immunity. According to my neurologist, the drug has not been linked to higher instances of  Covid-19. Maybe that knowledge, the fact I have yet to get Covid, and being vaccinated has given me a false sense of security.

Sunday, I went to a book signing for my friend’s memoir at a large bookstore close to my home. In my Southern California neighborhood, masks have been a constant, even since the change in the state’s mask rules due to the decline of Covid-19 cases.

I expected masks to be prevalent at the shop. As I rolled in, my glasses fogged from my face covering. I was surprised to see that most people had naked faces as they wandered around the aisles of gigantic bookshelves. A small crowd of about thirty people had gathered in the middle of the retailer. Maybe two-thirds of them showed off their fabric-free expressions.

I told myself before I even got there that I would hold back. Yet as soon as my friend greeted me then asked if she could hug me, I opened my arms. I shook hands and embraced the few people I knew and took my mask off for five minutes to be in a photo.  Being close to people I hadn’t seen outside my computer screen was an enticement I couldn’t resist.

But when I came home, I realized going there wasn’t my best decision. I was happy I saw friends and met more writers. But given my risk factors for Covid-19, my appearance was risky. In the end, the excursion was a reminder that I need to be more careful–limit my exposure again as I did in March 2020. No going into Starbucks, maintaining social distance, and doing whatever I can to avoid crowds.

Despite the mask mandates ending, I don’t feel safe. My K95 mask will always be on in public, indoor dining is not an option, and I’m not yet comfortable flying.

The end of the Covid pandemic is not here for me and I wonder if it ever will be.